When is Heavenly Father going to give us another baby?

Jasper's daily question is, "Mom, When is Heavenly Father going to give us another baby?"

Oh Jasper, I wish I knew.  I really wish I knew.

Jasper is always pleading for a brother or sister, and now he especially wants a baby.

While out Trick-or-Treating with Jasper,  Mike overheard someone say that they were surprised that the Davidson's live in such a big house and only have one kid.

They also noted that they had never heard of a Mormon family only having one child.

 Mike piped up and explained that we would love to fill our home with children.


 I know this person was just curious and was not trying to be judgmental in any way.  Because we are pretty open about our situation, I assume everyone knows that we haven't been able to have more children.  So for those of you who might also be wondering I will tell you our story.

We LOVE kids.  Love them!  We would LOVE to have more kids.  Lots more.  But we haven't been able to.  Yes, we have a good size home (6 bedrooms) and we would love to have those bedrooms overflowing with children.

But we don't.  And it hurts.  There are times when I have seriously contemplated moving because the empty bedrooms break my heart and sometimes it's too much to bear.  We bought our home when Jasper was one year old, with the plan to fill it up with children.
I recently read this quote by Courtney Kendrick that really hit home for me. "Adoption is not a scientific cure for infertility--and it's not an emotional cure either."  And yet we are considering adoption.  We are going to an "Adoption and Foster Care" fireside this Sunday.

This is not a road that I want to be going down.  But I am.  I feel like we should have more children in our family, and I have no idea how that is going to happen.  And so we're seriously examining all of our options.


When I got pregnant with Jasper five years ago, it never occurred to me that we wouldn't be able to have more children.  I've since had a tubal pregnancy that ended in emergency surgery in the middle of the night and a heartbreaking miscarriage, after seeing the tiny heartbeat.  And for the last year or so I haven't been able to get pregnant at all.

I've been to the fertility doctor.  I've had tests run.  Lots and lots and lots of tests.  I've seen my eggs sitting on my ovary -- looking just great.  I had 33 vials of blood drawn in one sitting.  I've had two HSG tests, where they run dye through your fallopian tubes.  Both times my tube that the baby came out of during my tubal pregnancy shows it's in perfect repair.


I've gone to two different alternative medicine specialists.  I've done accupressure and chiropractic treatments.  I have searched and prayed and hoped for an answer.  Something to explain what is going on.

Is this a trial that will end with a miraculous pregnancy?  Will I ever know why we haven't been able to have more children.  Do I give up?  Do I hang on?  What am I supposed to do?  How many tears must I cry before this heartache ends?

For those of you who are wondering...I am so happy for other people who can get pregnant and have babies.  I celebrate them every chance I get.  I love to host baby showers for my friends.  I am excited for them and rejoice with them.

This summer at swimming lessons I overheard two mom's talking about their friend who hasn't been able to have kids and how they always dread telling her that they are pregnant again and how they feel like they can't talk to her about their kids because it's too awkward.

That conversation made me so sad.  Is that how people feel about me?  I sure hope not.

Until we figure out what's in store for us I continue to try and help my friends out as much as possible with their kids.  Rejoicing in their children and loving them too.  And hoping for more of our own.